When school feels hard: what to look for and when to seek help
Key takeaways
- School ups and downs are common and often part of growing up
- Ongoing changes in behaviour, learning or mood are worth checking in on
- Talking early helps your child feel supported
- You don’t need to manage school concerns on your own
School problems are common
School can be fun and challenging at the same time. Children of all ages can have ups and downs with learning, friendships, confidence or behaviour.
Many school problems are part of growing up and pass with time. Others last longer or start to affect how your child feels about school. Noticing concerns early gives your child the best chance to feel supported and get back on track.
When a child:
- goes to school regularly
- feels mostly positive about learning
- gets along with teachers and other students
- they are more likely to feel confident and stay engaged with school over time.
A positive relationship with your child’s school can make it easier to notice changes and ask for help when you need it.
For practical tips on starting conversations and staying connected, see 6 tips on building a positive relationship with your child’s school.
Signs your child might be struggling at school
Some school problems are easy to notice because your child talks about them or the school tells you. Other times, children keep things to themselves because they feel embarrassed, worried, or unsure how to ask for help.
Your child might:
- avoid school or make excuses not to go
- stop talking about school or certain subjects
- seem less confident or say negative things about themselves
- lose interest in friends or activities they used to enjoy
- have ongoing behaviour issues
- refuse homework or seem disengaged from schoolwork
- struggle to keep up or receive lower marks than usual
Noticing one sign does not always mean there is a serious problem. If changes continue over time, or you notice several signs together, it’s a good reason to check in or seek support.
Talking with your child about school
Gentle conversations can help your child feel safe and supported.
You might start with open questions, such as:
- “What has school been like lately?”
- “What do you enjoy most at school right now?”
- “Is anything feeling tricky or worrying?”
If your child doesn’t want to talk, that is okay. You can name what you have noticed instead.
For example:
- “I’ve noticed you seem a bit tired or worried lately. How is school feeling?”
- “You don’t seem to enjoy school as much as before. I wonder why that is?”
Listening without rushing to fix things helps your child feel heard.
These conversations can help you understand what your child is experiencing. If concerns continue, the checklist below can help you decide what to do next.
When to seek help
This checklist can help you think about what to do next. You don't need to tick every box.
You might consider seeking support if:
If you've ticked one more boxes, a good first step is to talk with your child's school. They can help you understand what's happening and what support might help,
Working with the school
If concerns continue, or you are unsure what’s going on, it’s important to talk with the school. You don’t need to wait for a parent teacher interview to ask for help.
The school can help you understand:
- what they are noticing at school
- whether support may help
- what options are available
Working together with the school helps your child feel supported and understood.
Children with additional needs
Some children find school more challenging because of additional learning, emotional or developmental needs. They may need extra support with learning, routines or social situations.
Building a strong relationship with the school early can help. This can include learning plans or regular check ins to monitor progress.
Staying connected with the school can help you understand what support may be helpful and when to ask for it.
Building a strong relationship with the school early can help. This can include learning plans or regular check ins to monitor progress.
Staying connected with the school can help you understand what support may be helpful and when to ask for it.
You are not alone
Many parents worry about what to do when school feels hard for their child. You are not expected to manage everything by yourself.
If you would like extra support, you could:
- speak with a teacher who knows your child well and ask how the school can help
- make an appointment with your doctor to explore what may be affecting your child’s learning
- talk with your Family Partnership Coordinator, who can listen and help you think about next steps
- explore Parent and Family services on Raising Children, which links to many national support services and organisations in one place.
We are here for you!
Your Family Partnership Coordinator is here to support you through each stage of your child's educational journey.
They can support you to problem-solve any challenges that may come up that affect your child's education.
They can also connect you to educational support programs or services in the community if you decide that's what you need.
